You can read Part 1 of the series here: An author named Esther Perel has become really famous for turning public discourse on infidelity and the nature of human sexuality on its head. Esther — along with many other historians and thinkers — has posited that human beings were never designed to be monogamous. While designed to be in groups, we are primates who are constantly shifting in sexual desires and sexual partners.
She adds that monogamy has served more as power structure and agrarian vestige than anything else. Those societies that held chastity as a sacred virtue often had stricter discipline and enjoyed economic and military conquest.
Moreover, young women from various fiefdoms and kingdoms were married off to princes and kings of other fiefdoms and kingdoms in order to form alliances and unions. In the agrarian age, marriage was a sensible safeguard to produce a family that could help a mother and father till land, and produce goods that would bolster future generations.
Thus, monogamy has always had a sensible function in the human dynamic. But it has never been about love. Perel argues that the combining of monogamy with love was a way to justify a seemingly strange practice. And this tension generates the conundrum that a lot of good people face: Perel argues that ultimately, biology has the stronger pull.
And so that is why good people end up engaging in infidelity. And it is also from this tension that The Lifestyle of sexual liberation was born. Perel posits one central question of her own: What if, in love, we could explore different orientations of sexual partners, situations, and desires while still maintaining a strong bond and commitment?
And now, we look at it from the private side of things. But before I dive into The Lifestyle on the private side, I want to highlight a juxtaposition that Perel outlines. She argues that in every romantic pairing especially traditional male-female , there is always one person who is afraid of losing their partner and being alone.
For any guys who are currently in, or have been in, a serious relationship: I would imagine many have. So a lot of couples are constantly asking how to make sure that both partners are satisfied in a pair dynamic.
The next post will be dedicated to handling emotional hiccups, jealousy, and some additional resources about The Lifestyle. What I remember is the dawning sense of power, the realization that I could order up sex, when desired, as easily and quickly as a pizza. He came to my dorm room and we rode up in the elevator together.
I never even had to bother to put on shoes. I posted and responded to many ads over the 17 years since that first casual encounter. Near-immediate, easy, anonymous, it served as a playground for my not-insubstantial id. All manner of perversions were laid bare, all interest groups represented.
Men sought women, women sought men, multiple men sought men, couples sought women and all other permutations one could calculate. It was an underbelly of sorts, but a beloved one. Where else could a woman decide she might like to engage in some light bondage at 2 a.
Even as technology advanced and others moved on to Tinder and other apps, I remained loyal to Craigslist, preferring the anonymity of the platform as well as the democratic base of people attracted by the free, low-commitment interface. The message users receive if they attempt to click on any of the personals sections reads:...